Saturday, November 24, 2007

Douche of the Year: Gabe Newell



Behold gaming's biggest douche of the year. His name is Gabe Newell. Gabe has created two games in ten years. How he found the time to create two games between meals is beyond me. They both happen to be called Half-Life. Half-Life is a great game, unless you happen to play it on a PS3.

You see, Gabe and the rest of the peons at Valve personally handled the easier coding for PC and XBox360. Meanwhile, they let an outside team from Electronic Arts do the heavy lifting on the PS3 port. He had this to say about the decision.

"I think the people who have The Orange Box on the PS3 are going to be happy with their game experience. We’ve done the PC and 360 versions here and EA has a team doing the PS3 version – and they’ll make the PS3 version a good product; EA got the job done in putting a lot of people with PS3 experience on the project. But I think it’s harder to get it to the same standard as the 360 and PC versions."

As he continued to chew Gabe slammed the PS3 as, "a waste of everybody's time" simultaneously praising Valve's design work and disowning the soon-to-be-released PS3 port. You'd think the fat bastard would have lost some weight dodging responsibility like Neo can dodge bullets. 1UP makes it abundantly clear gamers will not be happy with their game experience.

What shocks me (aside from Newell's appetite for fried Twinkies) is that some people are still trying to defend Valve's piss-poor quality control, shifting blame instead to EA. I know is seems easier to blame the gaming mega-publisher in this case, but Valve and Gabe Newell are ultimately at fault.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just hope that no PS3 owner get this game.
EA and Valve have to be punished by the users.
R&C, Uncharted, COD4 and Assassins prove that the problem with poor ports (mainly from EA) is no in the console, but in the ports.
EA seems to be doing this to hurt PS3 sales. Enough with that crap.

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Anonymous said...

If you actually believe World of Warcraft will reign for another 20 years; I assure you that you are Gaming's Douche of the year M.P.

Anonymous said...

Yes, bash the hell out of Gabe Newell, who's actually done something in the game industry, and then beg, whine and grovel for your few readers to vote for you for some award so you can pretend to be important for a while.

Your work falls into two categories, as I can tell. The first is stating the blindingly obvious. The rest are inane bits of guesswork that are so absurd that it's a wonder anyone takes you seriously.

So yeah, I'm voting for you for knuckle-dragging slope-browed mouth-breathing fuckwit of the year. Please feel free to fuck a saguaro cactus, you very small piece of turd.

BenjiCFN said...

I see it all now. Patcher you Playstation fan boy! :P Now I know to not take anything you say about Nintendo with ANY credibility! Love, a fanboy of a different breed. PS These last few years must have been depressing times...Ive been there.

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